Sell Me Your Chametz!
Man, I've figured out how to make millions
Walk around a Jewish neighborhood and offer to buy up everyone's Chametz...
But don't sell it back after Passover!
Man, it's so easy.
"I, the undersigned, sell all Chametz possessed by me, knowingly or unknowingly as defined by the Torah and Rabbinic Law, to happyweasel for $1.00.
Also Chametz that tends to harden and adhere to inside surfaces of pans, pots, or cooking utensils, the utensils themselves, and all kinds of live animals and pets that have been eating Chametz and mixtures thereof.
I also lease all places wherein the Chametz owned by me may be found.
This power is in conformity with the Torah, Rabbinic and Civil laws.
Signed: Jewish Person, Date: 4/18/08"
I must admit I was a bit disappointed that their dog is not mine. Not sure how, but they're gonna keep the dog legal in some way. I haven't had a pet outside of my mother's care, but if the beast slops up any Chametz, that's gonna change. Golden retriever, Lab mix... of course, under the circumstances, if I do manage to get it, Cain would surely possess the animal *with hilarity ensuing* I mean, just imagine a dog, vomiting curried eggplant, trying to stab me in the neck... all while yipping nitpicking insults about how my shirt isn't fully tucked in & my Montgomery Ward cardigan sweaters nature has a balled-up texture. Jerk. I hope I don't get it. I open up my house, I try to make it feel welcome, even showing it how to floss properly. Sure, I wasn't born on the west coast. Yes, my parents locked me in the attic for weeks at a time, but they taught me a sense of raw decency. Raw decency certainly precludes any attempts at gnawing off one's junk.
